handling two babies who wants my attention at the same time is not easy. especially when i am alone with both of them. no ajoy. nobody else at home - just me, ayra and azim. whenever azim wants to nurse, many2 times that is the exact moment ayra wants something from me - hug, dukung, pokpok, susu, or anything just to gain my attention. i feel for her, i yearn to give her exactly what she wants but i cant. i am glued to the couch with newborn glued to my breast.
i am really2 trying to keep my cool but sometimes i just cant. i dont know how mothers in my situation keep their cool. sometimes i try so hard not to scold ayra but it is not easy. ini lah ujian Allah to me kan.. most of the time, i ended up crying asking ayra to understand the situation, asking her to just be patient and wait until i am done with azim. sometimes it worked, sometimes no.
maybe some do not know this, for the 2nd confinement, i've decided to do it at my own house. tak nak susahkan my parents. engaged with confinement lady for 14 working days.. she will cook the pantang food and urut and stuff, and stays from morning till noon je. so from afternoon onwards, i will be alone with azim, if ayra goes to her babysitter. usually during weekends je la i have to handle them both on my own plus cooking and other household chores. usually ajoy has to go out for his work. sbb tu byk kali i ended up alone with both babies. and that is when all the drama starts too.
lately as well, ayra does not want to go to her babysitter's house, she wants to stay with me. but with ajoy being away, and ayra at home with me, will immediately send me into the phobia mode. i know how ayra is when ajoy is not around.
again and again i found myself overwhelmed with everything and i ended up crying. sometimes ayra will come and hug me as if telling me she is sorry for being difficult. sometimes she will be in the room crying (because she wants me to be with her in the room), and i will be outside crying while feeding azim..
is this called postpartum depression??
is anybody out there in the same position as i am? or was in the same shoes?
how on earth do you handle both clingy babies and not explode and scold the first born?
the last thing i want is to scold ayra. will this phase get better?
with this being said, i cringe when some ppl say i am a supermom. i am not. not even near. a supermom wont break down and cry. a supermom can handle this with ease, and not even naik suara ckit pun to her first born. i am not her. i am weak. sometimes i feel like a failure. like i dont know how to do this motherhood thingy.
those with maid/mom/mother in law/family member around to help please dont say u understand what i am going through. because that just means you are NOT alone with your children. you have help. i know some of my friends who are in the exact same shoes as i am. esp those yg husband kerja jauh or husband mmg selalu takde kat rumah. tell me how u're handling your situation.. thank you.. ^_^
