about 3 days ago, i thought ayra had weaned herself from breastfeeding. and i thought to myself "freeeeddommmmmmmm!!" but i also felt like i've lost something and feeling sad about it. as always, breastfeeding is a bittersweet kinda thing. love-hate issues that comes with it.
so what happened? why did i think ayra weaned herself? she was infected with hfmd from god knows where. the kids n baby at babysitter house did not hv this. tak tau dpt dr mana. anyway, before that she had fever with sore throats. so we suspected drinking milk was agony for her because she would cry everytime she drinks anything, which was confirmed by the good doctor. all these while even when ayra has fever, she has no problem in breastfeeding. in fact, breastmilk was the only form of milk ayra could tolerate whenever she had fever. but this time, for the first time she refused my boobies. or, she wants to bf but when she put her mouth at my boobies dia nangis giler2 mcm sedih sgt.. mummy dia pun sedih ok. hihi..
and then on the 3rd day she wanted to bf but instead of sucking she bit my nipple very2 hard!!! mengalir airmataku!! tats when i thought, has she forgotten how to suck, how to breastfeed? is this journey finally over???
so tat was shortlived. she is still breastfeeding. but not as often as before. dlm 20% of her intake je kut skrg. and now we will usually supplement with fm. susu badan dah ckit ler tu.. hehe..
on one hand m happy she still wants to bfeed. you know, the bonding stuff still makes my heart bloom. the way she giggles whenever i do things to her while feeding. her smile whenever she is done. hehe.. but nevertheless i still really2 hate the blocked duct and engorgement part when i have to be away from her. and the backpain that sometimes comes during feeding. and the pain when she bites. tu yg jadi love-hate r/ship tu..
and then there is this issue of nursing attire - dress, blouse and especially nursing bra. there area dresses that are not nursing friendly - can i buy them now? u know how expensive nursing friendly dresses or jubah and blouses are kan.. letak zip dpn je dah jd added value da.. pfftt.. tp my biggest dilemma now is should i buy new nursing bra? coz i need new ones but i am so unsure of what type to purchase. kang da beli tiba2 esoknyer ayra xnak bfeed dah hahaha.. pastu kang pakai bra biasa time tu la pulak ayra nk bfeed.. hahaha nursing mommy issue.. :P
pastu nak wean ayra or let her wean herself pun dilemma gak.. ntah la.. just go with the flow je la ek.. hihihi..
since ayra has hfmd ni, mmg for sure la tak bole hantar ayra to babysitter, or even bring her to my MIL's house or kenduri or gatherings or mana2 yg ada children bwh 10yo. wouldnt want to infect any child of course. m not selfish.
i am the type yang if my child has flu or runny nose, i will try my very best to refrain from passing to any other child. when this happens, ajoy sometimes have to fetch ayra first b4 fetching me, or the other way around, basically my FIL dont have to fetch ayra la. bcoz if FIL fetch ayra, means ayra kena transit at PILs house, risking passing flu/runny nose to ayra's uncle/cousin. so tat is what i have been practicing.
so of course for the love of Allah, i absolutely know when ayra has hfmd, that i will do my very level best to ensure not even one child will be infected by ayra. doc said hfmd is very mild and is extremely common in children and any child can be infected just by going to kenduri, tak yah duk nursery pun bole kena. but Allah forbid, i do not want anybody to get it from ayra. kalau kena tempat lain yg takde ayra tu bukan salah kitaorg la kan. as parents, we have tried everything we possibly can to avoid passing it to ayra's uncle and cousin.
ala sebenarnyer anybody knows this kan, dont hv to be a genius to practice this (not bringing child with illness for gathering/enclosed places). so it kinda hurts when some ppl treat me like i am an idiot for not knowing the consequences of not mitigating my child's illness properly. maybe diaorg ni takde niat nak belittle me but it felt that way. secara sengaja atau tidak these ppl hv hurt my feelings. :( takpe lah, bak kata elsa frozen - let it gooooo.. hahaha!
please pray ayra gets well very soon. kalau tak ok lg kami tak bole beraya hahaha.. duk umah jer lerrrr.. kena quarantine la katakan.. esok ada another check up with doctor to see if the ulcers in ayra's throat dah clear up.. bcoz on her hands n feet da lama takde da..
