tis post hv been long overdue to me. i feel like i hv to steal a lil time to write about tis. n its quite a long post. da byk kali type save type save. hari ni baru siap. hahaha..
at our visit for ayra's 5 mth check up, the paed told me ayra's weight is on the low side, and tat i might not be producing enough breast milk for her. i was prescribed motidone (domperidone) to boost my milk production.
accepting that my milk is not enough for ayra is hard. as mentioned in my previous post, i've been telling myself susu ada, susu ada, susu ada kan.. however rezeki di tangan Allah. ingat tu. if i've done all i can afford to do but byk tu jugak yg kuar bila pump, i have to, have to, have to accept dgn hati terbuka that setakat itu rezeki utk ayra. its still hard for me, but i have to accept tis fact.
actually a few days b4 ayra turned 5 m.old, all the milk i sent to babysitter mesti habis. usually ada 1-2 bottles left for her to use at PIL's hse while waiting for me to arrive from work. masa tu da terdetik da.. ayra has increased her intake ke? but m producing mcm biasa, takde pun my yield bertambah.
then after confirming with babysitter, yup what i've been sending isnt enough for ayra anymore.. so mcm mana pun gigih la pump utk ayra.. unfortunately somehow once ayra turned 5mths tiba2 my yield dropped 50%!!!
i know bf mums yg tegar, yg dpt bf yr babies until they're 2 y.o or more than 6 mths are itching to correct me on susu ibu ni. sabar. baca dulu ok. and try to put yrself in my shoes.
by friday morning last week my freezer was empty. nasib baik cuti on monday so for tuesday stock dpt jugak la produce 6 bottles of ebm. and then by the time hntr susu to babysitter on tuesday morning tu, mmg fridge n freezer kosong. KOSONG. now i need to produce 24oz everyday. dulu 18oz pun cukup. but m not producing tat amount. unfortunately for me n ayra, i am a low yield mum.. but alhamdulillah despite tat we made it tis far.. 5 mths hehehe.. by wednesday morning wpun da pump day n night n pagi buta still tak cukup 24oz.. rasa nyer for wednesday stock tu dpt 22oz jer..
then utk thursday (smlm) nyer stock makin kurang, rasanyer hntr 18oz mcm tu jer, seriously tak phm coz m not doing anything different or eating habit pun takde yg kurang. try mkn mcm2 benda yg booster ada la. but to no avail gak.
i pump 3 times kat ofc, otw balik rumah dlm keta pump lagi, kat rumah everytime after direct feed pump lagi, kul 3am bgn pump lg, lepas subuh sblm hntr ayra pump lg. but x dpt gak nk provide the amount ayra needs. i also do tandem pumping n power pumping on top of drinking at least 3L of water. (tambah, td terlupa hihihihi)
are u gonna tell me m still not doing enough??
maybe to those yg susu byk will say..
"hah 24oz jer per day, tu pun tak bole??"
"ek ele baru 5 mths, bole lagi la.. jgn bg alasan.."
"bole, jgn bg formula.. bole tu.."
ok lets be realistic n rational k.. kalau freezer da kosong meaning TAKDE SUSU FOR MY BABY. so nk bg anak aku lapar ke????
i hv mentioned before m not against formula milk. i understand those mothers yg kena bg formula for their babies. those tat i cant stand are those yg alasan dia malas nk pump utk anak. itu tak leh terima. sorry. majority of my collegues bg alasan ni. but to those who hv tried their very best tp yield kurang jugak n hv to supplement with formula nk buat mcm mana kan.. those yg mmg bz giler takde masa nk pump nk buat caner kan. and again i ask u, takkan nk biar anak lapar??
why formula is not my preference for ayra pun da bgtau byk kali.. it is bcoz of ayra's eczema. tak tau susu formula mana yg ok n takut sgt nk try susu2 tu on her. takut tak serasi. dah la in the market mcm2 brand ada. xtau mana yg ok. sbb tu mcm mana pun gigih jugak produce milk for her sbb ada 1 brand jer - ayra sofea's milk hehehe.. but x dpt jugak sebyk yg ayra need.. T_T
of course i know susu ibu adalah pilihan terbaik. like hello, of course la i know... if i dont know all those, why wud i try tis hard? why wud i pump byk kali? why wud i still search for my booster? why wud i be motivating myself constantly in breastfeeding? why wud i even bother about breastfeeding??? fikir la dulu b4 bg statement mcm tu.
yg paling sedih bila tgh pump bleh plak ada org tny da brp byk botol da? haa satu tu jer ko dpt? i just told her 'aku bkn mcm ko, skali pump dpt berbotol2..' masyaAllah, tak phm ke istilah rezeki. susu ibu utk anak pun rezeki dr Allah. are u questioning Allah's rezeki for my baby? sedih ok bila di tny mcm tu..
already m feeling like i fail as a mother for not being able to provide for my daughter. nasib baik ada supportive husband. he kept telling me ive done my best, m not a failure just bcoz susu ibu tak cukup coz ayra alhamdulillah is a healthy baby. ajoy is the only person after me who knows how hard i've been trying. tgh type ni pun mata berair coz i still feel like m a failure. T_T
and yesterday wat i fear most happened. traffic was bad n we couldnt reach my PIL's hse in time. susu abis. ayra lapar. nak tak nak kena bancuh susu. but ayra rejected. try susu lain pun reject. so in the end she just cried n cried due to hunger. i couldnt help feeling guilty to my daughter for letting her be hungry just bcoz i cant produce enough milk for her. i cried n cried on the way back. but alhamdulillah my husband pandai distract my mind.. by the time smpi rumah PIL my spirit was lifted. terus feed ayra. maybe its a sign that Allah know i can still provide for ayra? hehehe.. being hopeful here.
tis morning babysitter (Ibu) told me tat 4oz pun mcm tak cukup dah for ayra.. wow, within 2 weeks ayra's consumption increased from 3oz to 5oz per session.. so maknanyer kena produce 30oz now instead of 24oz??? my baby girl is growing up!!! ^_^
ok after reading tis please remember that I HAVENT given up. i am still trying very hard to provide ayra the best meal (breastmilk) hehehehe.. so wat i need is support. not judgemental statements k.. thank you so much in advance.. ^_^
p/s: oh yeah, i always admire you mothers who breastfeed your children for more than 6 mths. seriously respect giler to you mummies. tak tau caner nk ckp how much i admire yr effort. gosh i seriously wish i can be in the same boat.. ehehehehe..
actually a few days b4 ayra turned 5 m.old, all the milk i sent to babysitter mesti habis. usually ada 1-2 bottles left for her to use at PIL's hse while waiting for me to arrive from work. masa tu da terdetik da.. ayra has increased her intake ke? but m producing mcm biasa, takde pun my yield bertambah.
then after confirming with babysitter, yup what i've been sending isnt enough for ayra anymore.. so mcm mana pun gigih la pump utk ayra.. unfortunately somehow once ayra turned 5mths tiba2 my yield dropped 50%!!!
i know bf mums yg tegar, yg dpt bf yr babies until they're 2 y.o or more than 6 mths are itching to correct me on susu ibu ni. sabar. baca dulu ok. and try to put yrself in my shoes.
by friday morning last week my freezer was empty. nasib baik cuti on monday so for tuesday stock dpt jugak la produce 6 bottles of ebm. and then by the time hntr susu to babysitter on tuesday morning tu, mmg fridge n freezer kosong. KOSONG. now i need to produce 24oz everyday. dulu 18oz pun cukup. but m not producing tat amount. unfortunately for me n ayra, i am a low yield mum.. but alhamdulillah despite tat we made it tis far.. 5 mths hehehe.. by wednesday morning wpun da pump day n night n pagi buta still tak cukup 24oz.. rasa nyer for wednesday stock tu dpt 22oz jer..
then utk thursday (smlm) nyer stock makin kurang, rasanyer hntr 18oz mcm tu jer, seriously tak phm coz m not doing anything different or eating habit pun takde yg kurang. try mkn mcm2 benda yg booster ada la. but to no avail gak.
i pump 3 times kat ofc, otw balik rumah dlm keta pump lagi, kat rumah everytime after direct feed pump lagi, kul 3am bgn pump lg, lepas subuh sblm hntr ayra pump lg. but x dpt gak nk provide the amount ayra needs. i also do tandem pumping n power pumping on top of drinking at least 3L of water. (tambah, td terlupa hihihihi)
are u gonna tell me m still not doing enough??
maybe to those yg susu byk will say..
"hah 24oz jer per day, tu pun tak bole??"
"ek ele baru 5 mths, bole lagi la.. jgn bg alasan.."
"bole, jgn bg formula.. bole tu.."
ok lets be realistic n rational k.. kalau freezer da kosong meaning TAKDE SUSU FOR MY BABY. so nk bg anak aku lapar ke????
i hv mentioned before m not against formula milk. i understand those mothers yg kena bg formula for their babies. those tat i cant stand are those yg alasan dia malas nk pump utk anak. itu tak leh terima. sorry. majority of my collegues bg alasan ni. but to those who hv tried their very best tp yield kurang jugak n hv to supplement with formula nk buat mcm mana kan.. those yg mmg bz giler takde masa nk pump nk buat caner kan. and again i ask u, takkan nk biar anak lapar??
why formula is not my preference for ayra pun da bgtau byk kali.. it is bcoz of ayra's eczema. tak tau susu formula mana yg ok n takut sgt nk try susu2 tu on her. takut tak serasi. dah la in the market mcm2 brand ada. xtau mana yg ok. sbb tu mcm mana pun gigih jugak produce milk for her sbb ada 1 brand jer - ayra sofea's milk hehehe.. but x dpt jugak sebyk yg ayra need.. T_T
of course i know susu ibu adalah pilihan terbaik. like hello, of course la i know... if i dont know all those, why wud i try tis hard? why wud i pump byk kali? why wud i still search for my booster? why wud i be motivating myself constantly in breastfeeding? why wud i even bother about breastfeeding??? fikir la dulu b4 bg statement mcm tu.
yg paling sedih bila tgh pump bleh plak ada org tny da brp byk botol da? haa satu tu jer ko dpt? i just told her 'aku bkn mcm ko, skali pump dpt berbotol2..' masyaAllah, tak phm ke istilah rezeki. susu ibu utk anak pun rezeki dr Allah. are u questioning Allah's rezeki for my baby? sedih ok bila di tny mcm tu..
already m feeling like i fail as a mother for not being able to provide for my daughter. nasib baik ada supportive husband. he kept telling me ive done my best, m not a failure just bcoz susu ibu tak cukup coz ayra alhamdulillah is a healthy baby. ajoy is the only person after me who knows how hard i've been trying. tgh type ni pun mata berair coz i still feel like m a failure. T_T
and yesterday wat i fear most happened. traffic was bad n we couldnt reach my PIL's hse in time. susu abis. ayra lapar. nak tak nak kena bancuh susu. but ayra rejected. try susu lain pun reject. so in the end she just cried n cried due to hunger. i couldnt help feeling guilty to my daughter for letting her be hungry just bcoz i cant produce enough milk for her. i cried n cried on the way back. but alhamdulillah my husband pandai distract my mind.. by the time smpi rumah PIL my spirit was lifted. terus feed ayra. maybe its a sign that Allah know i can still provide for ayra? hehehe.. being hopeful here.
tis morning babysitter (Ibu) told me tat 4oz pun mcm tak cukup dah for ayra.. wow, within 2 weeks ayra's consumption increased from 3oz to 5oz per session.. so maknanyer kena produce 30oz now instead of 24oz??? my baby girl is growing up!!! ^_^
ok after reading tis please remember that I HAVENT given up. i am still trying very hard to provide ayra the best meal (breastmilk) hehehehe.. so wat i need is support. not judgemental statements k.. thank you so much in advance.. ^_^
p/s: oh yeah, i always admire you mothers who breastfeed your children for more than 6 mths. seriously respect giler to you mummies. tak tau caner nk ckp how much i admire yr effort. gosh i seriously wish i can be in the same boat.. ehehehehe..
